Finding Me

I have been thinking a lot lately about my special little place on the web.
I miss it.

I don't want to worry about PR possiblities and broadening my blog into a business, offering my readers "something". This place started out as mine and I want it back.
A place for me to say what I think.
A place for me to share my day to day with everyone, or no one.
A place to find me.

Unfortunately I have been doing a lot of this lately.

And it has has been rough. I think my blog helped me with that.
A way to be retrospective and to find the humour in a situation that otherwise I might remember with dread.

So I'm taking my blog back for me.
I'll transfer the details I've been keeping for my 365 Things diary onto the page here, just for posterity.
And you're welcome to read and follow along on the ride if you like.
Hopefully I'll help somebody else find the humour in a situation. Or at least learn from my mistakes.

I've Lost That Loving Feeling...

I am feeling very uninspired by everything at the moment. Hence the reason that there has no real blog post for a couple of months.

I'm not sure which direction to take the blog. I've had a little interest from PR companies, but this blog started out as a way to keep in touch with family and friends. Now I have gotten more and more 'unknown readers' and I'm at a lose as to what I can offer them. I'm also no sure whether I should take a further step back and make this blog more anonymous or throw my all into it

My blog has no real brand, nothing that it specialises in, except the musing of a mummy who has had many an epiphanie lately, but lacks direction too

Me and my blog, standing at a fork in the road. Which way should we go.....

June Photo a Day - Day 24

Day 24 Prompt - On your mind

Taken on 12/4/2008 - Pre kids, sleep deprivation and wrinkles. And I was changing my frame of mind from having a family to buying a house. I was surprised by a twin pregnancy a month later.

June Photo a Day - Day 18

Day 18 Prompt - Something we don't know about you

I am the only one of 7 children that has my dad's hazel eyes. All my siblings have blue!

June Photo a Day - Day 17

Day 17 Prompt - In your bag

Just the standard diary, purse and child distraction found in every mummy's handbag!

All I Could Manage

I have not posted on this blog for more than 2 weeks. It's not that I have writers block or that I don't want to give my blog some loving. 
But I've just been so busy!
I've had heaps of ideas for posts swirling around in the space that should contain a functioning brain (but instead contains a mass of tangled razor wire, which is what is left after 2 pregnancies and 3 charming VIPs), but I have not had a chance to sit down and put them into words.

School has been a major time issue! I have 3 assessments due by mid May (one in a week) and have had 1 mini exam with one more next week. Cram, cram, cram!  My problem is the subject matter, coupled with my tangled razor wire, means that studying while the VIPs rip each others limbs off is not an option. Not if I want it to stick. (I suppose that I could just let the VIPs go limbless, but people might notice).

Keeping the VIPs stimulated has become challenging. Everyday they need more and more structured focus. It amazes me just how much they take in now! I need to harness their energy and funnel it back into me. I could be Supermum then! Eliminate washing piles in a single bound, clean floors faster than a tornado of VIPs! Can I just move house?

I love you dear blog, I will find time to write about the deliciousness of my life, until then you'll just have to be happy with this...

Handy Tips

I found this on Pinterest and just had to share. There are some useful tips on there.
I think the most important is number 5 under coffee filters.
Don't want to waste that wine!

Source: 9gag.com via Miss Nemo on Pinterest

Dirty Dishes

Yesterday my mum got me to listen to a song and it hit a little too close to home.

I realise that the everyday things that annoy me most, are the things that represent what I love the most.

Now I'm not one to normally post song lyrics to my blog but these really touched me. Definitely something I'm going to have to listen to on a bad day. (Maybe just not the really bad days lol)

Dirty Dishes - Scotty Mccreery
Mama hollers "Supper time,
And don't make me tell you twice
Wash your hands and wipe your face.
The table's no place for your toys,
And try to use your inside voice,
Don't dig in 'til we say Grace."
So we put down our forks and bowed our heads
And then she prayed the strangest prayer ever said:

"I wanna thank You Lord,
For noisy children and slamming doors,
And clothes scattered all over the floor,
My husband workin' all the time,
Draggin' in dead tired at night,
My never ending messy kitchen
And dirty dishes."

We all got real still and quiet,
And daddy asked "Honey, you alright?"
She said, "Dear, ain't nothing wrong,
Noisy kids are happy kids,
And slamming doors just means we live,
In a warm and loving home,
Your long hours and those dishes in the sink,
Means a job and enough to eat.

So I'm gonna thank You Lord,
For noisy children and slamming doors,
And clothes scattered all over the floor,
My husband workin' all the time,
Draggin' in dead tired at night,
My never ending messy kitchen

For my little busy bees
Beggin' mama, mama can you please?
Always wantin' me to call in vain
Loads of laundry pilin' up
Crayons crushed into the rug
And those little sticky kisses
And dirty dishes, and dirty dishes...

A Mother's Prayer For Its Child By Tina Frey

A Mother's Prayer For Its Child By Tina Frey

I love this, from Tina Frey. I identify so much with this, both as a mother but also as a daughter now that I have had children. Am just going to have to buy her book now!

Deedee The Birthday Girl

To Deedee,
Even at the age of 2 you radiate your own giant personality. The same personality that you had in utero and were dubbed with the nickname 'Eva the Diva'. You have the ability to make everyone and anyone do your bidding and convince them it was their idea in the first place.

You still act like an old soul, like you know a lot more than anyone would give you credit for. And you teach me about myself and about life everyday.

We have been through a lot together, you and I and I look at your beautiful little face and realise that life is good. That anything and everything is possible. You and your brothers are walking, talking proof of that.

You love dinosaurs, 'bubbas', 'hoot hoots' and more recently 'barbell' (Tinkerbell). You bash around with your brothers and can give as good as you get. You love to pick out your own clothes and shoes. You especially love picking out your hair accessories. You love hairclips.

I want so much for you from life, I wonder how I'll ever deliver.

Happy 2nd birthday sweet Divadoo xox

February Photo A Day Challenge - Day 21

Join in HERE
Today's challenge: a fave photo of you

Baker Bob and I at the beach near Swansea, Tasmania 2007

See how much we've changed

Happy "Who Gives a Fat Rat's Clacker" Day

Today the kids made Baker Bob artwork and then we turned them into cards. It was an excuse to do something crafty. I put a note in the Herald Sun LOVE BOOK, but only cause it was free and I'm not the type of person to pass up something that is free

Baker Bob bought me some pale pink gerberas, I was surprised and happy but it was totally unexpected and I was extremely relieved he hadn't spent a bucket load on flowers... but I was happier still that it was "Cheap Ass Tuesday at Dominos" tonight and I was having a night off my diet.

I also made this ABSOLUTELY DIVINE dessert by Fat Mum Slim (originally by Nigella). It is scrumptious and the lovely tart raspberries make the rich chocolate pav sing.

So I'm now going to clean up, watch a movie and chill. I hope you spent "Who Gives a Fat Rat's Clacker" Day literally floating on air. How fun would that have been!

Illusive Sleep

I've become almost desperate.
After years of being spoilt by VIPs that slept through, suddenly their sleep patterns are getting worse and worse. They have always had a reasonably strict bedtime routine and until winter last year would get changed into PJs and the like in their room. I moved it to the lounge so it wasn't too cold after baths (as the heater is in the lounge). They get a story read to them of a night and kisses and cuddles goodnight.

And now I sit with the boys to get them to go to sleep. Just in the middle of the room, sometimes having to tell them to "stop, roll over and close your eyes", sometimes having to hold Mans hand or stroke Linc's face so they relax, but most of the time I just sit there. If I don't it becomes a 2 hour battle of chasing them down the hallway back to bed, them getting more and more worked up and me getting more and more frustrated. Until one of us has a brainsnap - cue to me screaming or them throwing a huge tantrum. It's a helluva lot less stressful for all of us if I sit there and they don't have a chance to feed off each other's misbehaviour.

The boys also tend to come into my bed at anywhere between 12-3. They have gotten rather stealth about it. Once I wake up enough to realise they are in bed with me they are already starfished, sound asleep and there's no room for me but a cramped corner of the bed, leading to little or no sleep and horrible back pain. And just to add some excitement to my nights, Eva will sometimes wake screaming. The only way to settle her is to cuddle her for a while, so I usually fly the white flag and throw her into the mix as well.

I have seriously started to consider putting a TV and DVD player in the boys room. I have always been against this way of putting children to sleep. Letting them watch a movie as they fall asleep. They used to watch a movie during their "rest" time and they would occasionally nod off but the boys don't even 'do' rest time anymore so there is no chance for a cat nap for me.

I'm at a lose and all I want to do is lock my bedroom door of a night.

Does anyone have some suggestions?
What do we all think of the 'movie to sleep' method?

Another Thing More Dangerous Than Lead

My attention was recently drawn to this link through a forum - Top 20 things that are more dangerous to children than lead paint in Mattel toys. I am constantly worrying about everything my VIPs come in contact with and battle a war everyday trying to balance my 'overbearingness' with letting them 'just be kids.' I make decisions everyday that may or may not impact them for the rest of their lives. It's frightening if you really sit down and analyse it.

So, I wanted to add my own to this list.
Mine is probably far more dangerous and life threatening than most of what is mentioned.

Mine contribution is Homemade Nemo recipe chocolate chip cookies.
They are THE best tasting chocolate chip cookies in the world!

I did use free range eggs but they came from a supermarket and weren't organic
Neither was the bucket load of sugar nor the pale, fine flour.
The slab of butter was greasy and yellow and NOT salt reduced.
I even throw in some extra salt just for good measure.
The choc chips are not even dark chocolate!!

I even made some with oreo centres, just to make sure they were jam packed with  dangerous goodness.

Do NOT let your VIPs anywhere near these. They may just poison them like lead paint!

If you'd like my secretly guarded recipe, shoot me any email. Death by chocolate chip cookies sounds like a good way to go!

All Alight

12 Days of Christmas Activities - Day 4 Drive around locally to check out the Christmas lights


I grew up with Christmas lights out the front of our house. It was just what you did. I remember as a child taking a trip to "Boulevard" in Ivanhoe to see the whole street light up. It was so exciting!

Needless to say I don't feel like it's Christmas unless I have some kind of festive illumination out the front of my house.

There is not much in our area as far as big displays go but we did find this one. Someone has put a lot of effort in!

If you live in VIC and want to check out your local light displays, try here.

For the Love of Christmas

To say I have been looking forward to this Christmas since New Year's is no exaggeration.
New Year's Eve was the day Eva was discharged to home nursing from the Children's.

I am hungering for this Christmas. I think I need it to heal my heart.
Poor Eva spent her first Christmas in intensive care and while she'll never remember it, it's one I'll never forget for all the wrong reasons. There was a ripple effect. The boys spent Christmas with Grandma and Grandpa and while I'm glad they were surrounded by loving family, I didn't realise how much I missed spending Christmas with them until I updated their baby books and for their 2nd Christmas section it asks, "What did they eat for dinner?" I have no idea. I have no idea what they did all day, let alone what they ate.

The Christmas before (2009) I was very pregnant with Eva, having bouts of regular contractions and generally over everything. I forgot to even take photos of the day.

The Christmas before that (2008) was our last without the boys. Baker Bob spent it in Tassie and I spent Christmas day swollen beyond all recognition and navigating a 24hr urine collection. The days prior and after were spent in Pregnancy Day Care, waiting for the time bomb that was my stomach (or precarious blood pressure) to explode and make something happen.

You would have thought that this would have dampened my enthusiasm for Christmas but it hasn't. I have always been an "I love Christmas" kind of girl but the last few have not only changed my view to that of a mother, it has also made me really understand the true essence of Christmas.

Last Christmas I watched some amazing people save my daughters life. I met people who, despite the fact we were strangers and essentially "a job", took such heartfelt care of my daughter that I wish I could remember all their names and thank them individually. And mostly I saw my daughter fight to come back to us from the brink of something I didn't, and don't, want to contemplate. I saw her emerge almost unscathed. I wondered were she got her strength from, and knew that I would not have her strength if she stayed in that dark place.

I witnessed a Christmas miracle and she lives and laughs in front of me everyday.
For that I will be eternally grateful.

Taboo Confessions - #1

Sometimes, when I'm short on time or being lazy, I commit a baking taboo.
I make cakes using a packet mix!

Here's my top 3, in no particular order...

White Wings Devine Raspberry Swirl Cake
It's sweet and moist, and not as boring as a normal vanilla cake. (Top layer)

Betty Crocker Decadent Chocolate Mud Cake
This cake is rich and moist and can be a bit much so a little slice is all you really need. Or you could pair it with icecream or cream to cut through the richness. (Bottom layer)

Green's Smooth Lemon Cake
This cake is light with a lovely lemon taste. I like to make this one as a bunt cake and drizzle a sticky, sweet, tangy icing over it.

I hope you now don't think less of me.

The Week Ahead

Getting through the next week with a roller coaster of emotions. Funeral on Friday, show on the weekend, exam on the following Tuesday. I feel emotionally drained. I want to be support for the people I care about who have been deeply affected by this terrible business of passing away.
I hope I can be.

Anyway, I thought I'd throw up a pic of my gorgeous kidlets scuttlebugging and call it a day.

Congratulations are also in order as the kidlets now have another third cousin. (Who looks adorable). Cluck, cluck. Maybe a rethink on the kidlet count is in order.



A Day of Sadness

I remember the bowl of wax fruit that every child who had been in your house had tasted and subsequently left bite marks in.
I remember your strained smile when we would do something particularly obnoxious and you were trying to be patient.
I remember the colourful buttons on your organ that begged to be pressed but were off limits
I remember playing in your backyard, on the see saw and singing 'Let's Go Fly A Kite!"
I remember your hair as wild and fizzy.
I remember you telling me to 'always colour in the same direction. It's neater that way.'
I remember the smooth, shiny skin stretched over the knuckle of your missing finger, and being completely weirded out by it as a child.
I remember your high energy and sometimes brash attitude.
I remember waiting to see you on TV on Good Friday every year - always with a big cheque for the Children's.
I remember your scratchy voice.
I remember you as a wealth of knowledge.

As you grew ill, my mind would bulk at the idea that the fragile lady before me was the same vivacious lady of my youth.

Today you went to a better place. You have your body back. You are happy and pain free.
But we will miss you here.

I Don't Want to Whinge But...

6am is too early to be woken by crying

6:05am is too early to hear the squeak of the boys' room door knob turning (their new trick)

6:06am is too early to be convincing 2 x 2.5 year olds to climb into bed with you so they don't wake their sister

6:07 - 6:28am is too early to be threatening 2 x 2.5 year olds with sending them too their room

6:29am is too early for a poo explosion from Little Miss, which has travelled up her back, down her legs and all over her bed

7:13am is too early to be attempting to fix a shower screen that a certain 2.5 year old busted while you were bathing his sister. (I'm not naming names, ahem Loulou)

7:26am is too early to forget you've got Euky Bearub on your fingers and wipe sleep out of your eye

7:45am is too early for breakfast and an upturned bowl of weetbix on the mat